Culture Shock

Xiao Huang, our Ayi (compliments of Eric)

In the midst of packing up our house in NY and trying to get everything squared away for our move across the world, Doug and I took 4 days of cultural training to “prepare” us for the world of differences we would find when we landed in China. It was worth every minute we spent and has definitely contributed to our successful transition here. We knew the signs of culture shock and could get in front of them, both for ourselves and for the kids, before they spiraled out of control. But what they didn’t address was how an admittedly independent and stubborn woman like myself should navigate through this new world of “household staff”. Ayis and drivers.

I know, I know…everyone says it. I am so lucky to have both, how could I ever complain. And honestly, it isn’t real complaining. It is actually me dealing with my culture shock. It is my house, my family, my responsibility. It is what I am most proud of in my life and most protective of. It is my one and only and it is hard for a person with my personality to let it go. But as you do with most things in China (and in life), you go with it because you will spend more time and energy fighting it than you will just coming to terms with it and making it work.

Our driver had me at ni hao. Coming off our first 15 hour flight with the kids, struggling with 300 lbs of our most sacred possessions through this absurdly long and winding path (which in my opinion specifically designed so that hundreds of Chinese people have plenty of time to gawk at each person coming through), there stood Mr. Jun. Even-tempered, a bit shy, but friendly enough and a very fast walker. Within minutes, everything was taken care of and we had somehow fit everything and everyone into two mini-vans. Mr. Jun has since become an integral part of our family, whether he wants to be or not. He puts up with us and the kids, our crazy American ways, and our schedules. He is always early, never lost, and always genuinely happy. He is thoughtful and attentive, stocking the car with cold Diet Cokes after realizing we had a serious addiction to it and surprising Eric with a Spiderman that sticks to the window next to his seat. He lifts Pia into the car and always waits patiently when she insists on buckling her own seatbelt. Simply put, Jun is our best friend in China and there is no way we could live here without him.

The “ayi” concept was a bit different. Ayi (pronounced eye-ee) literally means auntie in Chinese. Essentially everyone has one. Ayis even have ayis. I am not sure how Chinese people use them, but in the expat world they can really be used for anything. Cooking, cleaning, babysitting, personal shoppers, anything to ensure that the household and the kids are happy. Given that this is my domain, you can probably see where I had some “challenges” adapting to this particular aspect of China. However, after the first few weeks of realizing what it took to keep a house clean in this smoggy city, I was ready to take the plunge. We were lucky to find an ayi that is the sister of some friends of ours here. For some illogical reason, I felt comforted that she wasn’t going to steal the kids straight away since her sister’s job would also be impacted. And she claimed that she could cook and clean. So, after a 20 minute conversation, we invited Xiao Huang into our lives and prayed that it worked out. And it has. It has taken 6 months for me to get there, but I am there. She doesn’t speak any English, so as my Chinese improves, we are getting to know each other better. I show her pictures of our families and friends and try to explain how we are all related. Her cooking improves as we get more adventurous with what we are willing to try. And she adores the kids and would feed them chocolate for dinner every night if I let her. When I got home today from dropping the kids at their first day of school, she wanted the full run down on how things went. When I told her that Eric cried the whole way there, she nodded obviously knowing as well as I did that this was unavoidable. And when I told her Sophia waved goodbye and found her new babies, she grinned with that same look of pride in her eyes. She may not be the best at everything, but she is great at the things that matter.

So, 8 months into our Chinese adventure (wow, 8 months!!), our family has grown to a family of 6. And no, there are no babies on the way. ;O)